I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
50% drunk capacity currently
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
