i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
