You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
