I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
