Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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