Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
