I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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