my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
