Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
