I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
