Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
