it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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