Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
