I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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