I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
