Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
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