Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
