Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
