Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
