at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
3pm strippers are depressing
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
