drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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