We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
