Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
