Four minutes until I can fart!
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
