I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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