I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
