I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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