I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
