Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
