I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
she peed on how many people?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Someone came in the potted fern
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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