I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
