You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
