It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
