So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
