How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
