I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
