mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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