i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
