The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Sext me about skeletons
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
