The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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