I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
