He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
