Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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