So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
