I smell stomach acid.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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