You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
