Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
