We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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