i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
