i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
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