They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
