she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
