Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
