you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
