Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
