And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
